Last Edit 1-16-23 (a moment in Jan 2023)
A few days ago, I was in Starbucks using their Wi-Fi to get some work done and have a hot coffee. I notice people because that is what I do for a living. I saw a guy communicating with someone on his phone while sitting at a small table near the restrooms. I noticed him because he was a decent-looking man with a lot of fashion style. He was rocking the fancy white shirt, tattoos, and the white spike hairdo of one of my favorite TV personalities Guy Fiere. The most significant exception between them was that this dude was in way better shape than GUY … sorry, Guy still love brother.
I got my coffee, sat down, and hooked up my computer to wait for the startup process to finish, which led to numerous other crazy-ass log-ins. As I was wrapping these up, an everyday-type but attractive woman greeted the stylish man standing up to meet her. I overheard a lot of their conversation and will keep 98% of what they said out of this posting because it was their moment, not ours. Just for reference, if it matters that both of these people are probably in their 40s. For the record, I’m single and have been for a while now, and yes, there are days it sucks, but then most days, I’m 100% fine with it. I notice things because I’m an artist, media person, and photographer. I watched the interaction in a non-creepy way, hopefully, and this is just my observation and is in no way judging anyone.
They were clearly on a first date or whatever they may have called it. Talking about who they were and some other life stuff, it was clearly a first meeting. She was looking at his clothes and trying to get a read on him. He seemed a bit too relaxed, and yes, that is a thing, guys, because it can make you look lazy or uninterested. Their date went on, and it was a decent exchange overall, but again I’m no dating expert. He got up once, went to the bathroom, and took too long in there. I understand you got to do what you got to do, but come on, guys, you don’t leave a woman sitting alone that long. Make sure that KIND of business gets done before going out. As she waited patiently, it was clear by her staring off into another place that she was thinking about this moment or maybe moments that had led her to where she was. She stuck me as tired and not up for this dating thing. This takeaway is because she did not smile much during their interaction and maybe has forgotten that being with someone has to start somewhere.
She commented during their conversation, “I’m older and don’t want to play games!” which may be 100% true, but ladies, avoid this comment because guys don’t like to hear it, and it makes you sound bitter about something we don’t know about yet. Some guys don’t want to play games, but some do, just like some women. Stay focused on the date and start by smiling; it does not have to be for anything real; it just helps you appear and stay positive. I do this a lot when working with people I don’t like. Inside, you might wonder how this guy or girl walks and breaths simultaneously but smile anyway. If a negative or doubtful thought creeps in, smile and fake it, but you’ll be surprised how it will help you interact with people more positively.
They shared stories and pictures on their phones, but I would soon feel bad for this lady. They were talking and minding their own business, and another woman took note of this guy. This other woman was waiting for her order but looking around as if on a mission. She saw this guy and immediately went over a spoke directly to him. This 3rd lady was also attractive, wearing a simple form-fitting sweater with spandex “ass pants.” Those designer things are not for working out but for simply showing off ass.
* Now, quick break here because by spandex “ass pants,” I mean those things that have patterns on them and make it look like your pants are making a beeline for your butt hole. It’s as if some spaceship is being sucked into a celestial black hole. I don’t find them attractive, and when I see women wearing these things, I’m thankful to have only boys because seeing my daughter wear them would cause me to have a stroke.
Anyway, this 2nd woman asked about a truck outside that turned out not to be his. She would not turn away and continue to talk with him but would say something to the 1st lady when it turns out they were all in the military at some point. The 2nd lady eventually went to get her order, and the dating couple got up and headed out at the same time, and the man let his date go first. He would stare at the 3rd woman’s ass as they walked all the way out the door. NO, guys, it was not a glance easy; it was a full-blown walk,drool, and stare. I caught a glimpse of the 1st woman’s face as she went out, and even though she could not see this guy ass-drooling, she probably had not found what she was after with this meeting. I wish her the best of luck because she seems like a lovely lady who wants someone to share time with and not be alone.
Dating at an older age sucks, so be yourself and smile when all the insecurities or bad luck from the past try to creep back in because we have been through more than most. Just smile, and yes, some guys suck, and some women suck, but if you want to be in a relationship, it has to start somewhere…BUT…
During all this, another couple had come in and sat at a table directly next to me. I also took notice of this relationship that is working and has been there for some time. The woman in her beautiful yellow dress was enjoying being his woman, and he was enjoying being her man. They stayed close and showed affection the way ordinary people do in public when they care for one another. He was a tall, imposing figure and was not bad looking either. This man, though, did not have the stylized fashion the other man possessed, so they were two very different male types. The 2nd couple’s affection for each other was strong and made for a beautiful looking couple. I put my stuff away, got up, put my hand on this man’s shoulder, and said, “You both make a great-looking couple!” I got multiple thank yous from both of them and some blushing from her.
It was not until a couple of days later that these two moments unfolding in the same place struck me differently. Here I got to see relationships at two levels and realized that the second relationship is why we should try. Some people are lucky and find it early, some have to work harder, and some never find it because they don’t try hard enough. The original lady in my post probably will not see it this way, but I applaud her for trying. She may be doing it with a tired heart, but she is trying, and I hope she doesn’t give up and keeps trying. Until then, I hope she learns to smile until the day that she begins to smile because she has a better reason to.